World Breastfeeding Week

It's this week. So here's my 'what went wrong?' story:

Straight after birth, little man was whisked off to the resuscitaire (I'm still not sure what was happening there) so we missed the immediate skin to skin. I tried latching him on after that but he didn't seem interested. We then got into a cycle of him crying with hunger, struggling to latch him on, when he did get latched on he would either just lie there not suckling or bob off again crying. Cue four horrible days when I was stuck in hospital against my wishes and having to ring for a midwife every time I wanted to try to feed him. Four days of getting a different opinion from every midwife or nurse who came to help, who would see him latch on then disappear and not see that he wasn't actually feeding. Being told to express to stimulate the supply, being manhandled, being told to position him this way, then that way, being told to be firmer in shoving him on, being told to be gentler and let him find his way. Little man was crying all the time and one exhausted night I gave in to the suggestion that they take him to the 'nursery' for a couple of hours and give him a bottle of formula.

I insisted on leaving hospital despite not having got it sorted and carried on struggling at home with yet more suggestions from the community midwives. They decided I had a low milk supply. But thinking about it now that doesn't explain why little man didn't really ever suckle at all; that would have shown up more in low weight gain.

In a panic I sent STBE husband out to buy the most expensive breast pump he could find and I started expressing. We entered a cycle of: try to breastfeed baby, give up and give bottle, try again halfway through in the hope he will be calmer, finish bottle feed, express milk for next time. Using the pump after every feed I only ever expressed about half of what he actually drank although this isn't a reliable measure of supply; baby should be much more efficient at getting the milk out than a pump is.

I was too tired and stressed out to get round to phoning an NCT counsellor until a couple of weeks down the line. The local one didn't have time to come and see me but suggested I go along to her support group on the far side of Wigan. I did this and little man, totally against his usual nature, stayed fast asleep the whole time. The counsellor pointed out that if I wanted to carry on expressing then it was important to do one session at night to keep up supply. So there I am expressing at 3am while STBE husband is giving little man a bottle.

If I had had one of those quiet placid babies who lies in a cot all day cooing I might have expressed for longer. I gave up after four weeks because every time I sat down to express little man would cry to be picked up. Poor chap had reflux and was a bit 'colicky'.

So I still don't know why it didn't happen. But I do know that bottle feeding formula was not only nowhere near as good for little man but also a complete pain in the arse. Sterilising bottles, boiling water, cooling water, chilling bottle, warming bottle, all even more hassle when you're out and about. Oh, and I'm still convinced that taking formula powder out in a container to add to a bottle of boiled, cooled water at feeding time is risky because the formula powder isn't sterile and needs to be added to very hot water.

Thank goodness I don't have to bottle feed him in public any more. Some of the friends I've met through Sling Meet agree that we are much more embarrassed at getting a bottle out in a public place than we would be flopping our boobs out.