Sunday 23 May 2010

Climb every mountain...

Imagine the conversation between me and someone who's part of a group I'm climbing Snowdon with; most of this group have never climbed a mountain.

Her: 'So have you done this before?'
Me: 'Yeah, quite a few times... but not for years.' ('Quite a few times' is a big understatement.)

Then there are the general conversations about walking where I can talk knowledgeably about most of the hills in Snowdonia and a fair few elsewhere but always include the line: 'I used to do a lot of walking/scrambling.'

Well, I've got fed up of the 'used to' and realised how important walking up hills is to me. Don't ask me to explain why; I find there's no need for a reason. Ironically, the ex and I first got to know each other by going out in the hills together. I remember him holding my hand because I was slipping in the snow coming down between Carnedd Llewelyn and Daffyd.

But as you get caught up in, first, the nine to five of sitting in an office and commuting and being knackered by the weekend, then, secondly, the demands of being a parent, it's easy to let things that are important to you slip away. Well, I think there's a compromise in there somewhere. I think that parents, and probably mothers most of all, need to have some time to do things that are important to them as individuals and not just as parents. Things that are fundamentally part of their identity.

Of course, I wish I could have had nice family weekends where little man gets to do fun things with mummy and daddy - at the same time. But I'm also glad I have the opportunity to do 'me' things. And being a single mum when there's a dad around who's still very much committed to his son actually makes this potentially easier than it is for happily marrieds.

Yesterday, I had asked daddy to pick little man up at half eight so I could go and climb a lovely little hill called Cnicht, pictured above. It was a bit humid but still a fine day out.

Another 'used to' I'm working on is playing the guitar. I restrung my acoustic last week. All by myself. Now I just need to keep strumming those chords until the fingertips of my left hand stop going numb.

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