Fantasy facebook

My laptop broke, ok?! And now that I've borrowed a laptop, my modem is playing up. I had to borrow a laptop because, having decided which new one I'd like to buy, I then got my car insurance renewal for pretty much the same amount of money. Anyway, I've been mentally writing this post. Which means I've forgotten it all and will have to make it up again.

Not to be confused with fantasy football, in which I have absolutely no interest, this is fantasy facebook where you daydream about the preposterous status updates you could have. This may sound like a lamentable pastime, and certainly doesn't encourage 'living in the moment', but I feel that long bouts of motorway driving legitimate it as an acceptable means of amusement. Here goes:

• has doubled her income by selling subversive cross-stitch samplers online.
• has met a lovely man who has his own allotment and camper van and is hopelessly infatuated with her.
• has spent the entire day staring at clouds.
• was going to eBay her ice axe but decided to go and climb Mont Blanc instead.
• just bumped into Ray Mears and Hugh Fearnley-Whittingstall and was invited to join their gourmet campfire dinner.
• has just published an award-winning anthology of erotic short stories.
• has knitted a bright pink tea cosy with lime green polka dots and is going to throw a massive tea party to show it off.
• cancelled all commitments this morning and drove to Durness to swim in the sea instead.